holy fuck wow.
i finished the fuckn filter.
da biggest feat so far in this 1st wrld.
ik, i may be full of myself rn as i write this,
but im still hungry fo’ mo’.
life ain’t over.
wasn’t expecting my old self and my habits to die hard.
especially with that one fever i got three weeks before the end.
it was almost like a reset button.
to escape the old matrix i’ve been engaged in for so long.
that matrix was my past self.
and i won.
from near-death at birth on the operating table,
to breathing machine, in a little corner of the apartment fo’ 4 months,
to the 3rd-wrld life, almost losing myself to uncontrollable blackmail chaos,
to living in the downtown hood, enduring the hardships with my lil bro & fam.
for now, and only for now, we’re winning.
we da hood trophies, men.
doesn’t matter where u r, u can win a victory point for humanity.
where there’s a will, there’s a way.
God, ty for giving my fam the broken road. u only test those who u luv.
i ain’t gunna try and overinflate my ass & ego.
wanna speak from me and me only.
because when i was losin, only four ppl showed up, excluding fam.
now that i won, i’m betting >40% open email rate for this…
a comment or two,
and private communities i’m in to say:
“hE dId It! He TaLkEd ThE tAlK & wAlKeD tHe WaLk!!!”
which, btw, walk then talk. don’t do what it reverse like me lol… unless u a savage man, fine.
don’t live for those wins.
‘cause everyone wants a piece of the victory cake.
because they lazy af to get their own cake.
but when u got no cake,
nobody come around.
u endure the hunger, urself.
but fo’ the ones who do show up when u starvin’, keep ‘em.
‘cause envy, selfishness, jealousy, etc., it don’t fuel their minds.
so say less. luv.
ok, goin’ back to da cake thing:
all of us want a victory point. in some way.
maybe not fo’ humanity, but fo’ gloating.
everyone’s driven by selfishness to a degree, but never is it zero.
but yes, some ppl have a luv for others. cool. that’s me too.
yet those ppl who want it fo’ gloating,
don’t wanna pursue the conquest of the mission.
just the prize of the mission.
good example of this is when ur fav NFL/MLB team wins a game.
u may be overjoyed for a split second.
it’s cause u try & make the at victory ur own.
u want the prize, but not the scars.
how sad of what a tub of shit u are, tbh. gtfo ma face.
pain is what fuels the hardest conquests.
i had a pain,
that i left that 3rd wrld behind when my mom got her passport,)
and now, if i don’t do anything,
by 2040, the village would fight itself for access to essential needs.
and it did. it’s already begun.
but also, the pain of never showing my kids that place,
and saying the etheral words:
“welcome to your origins, son / daughter.
this is the land of ur skin, blood, and tears.”
also, i had to deal with shitty water too, back there.
still remember the times i took 20 minutes in the bathroom lol,
some nickel was still left in old wells from homes, n’ got into system.
now, there’s fortuna silver mines invasive mining goin’ on in the nearby village, san josé del progreso.
been there since 2009, from what i know, but shit’s hit the fan since 2021, tbh.
but the pain…
of all this,
fueled me mo’ than the desire to help the wrld.
i’ll go as far as this:
if ur main reason for solving hard problems is:
“i wanna help the wrld, make it a better place…”
get a better reason dude/gal.
that reason, or fuel, ain’t gettin’ u far.
pain > desire, homie.
pain takes longer to get rid of, to satisfy, to complete.
just like how having an unattainable goal in life,
makes the climb worth more enjoyable,
because if u reach the top,
u’ll feel what i felt when v3 filter was done:
“fuck yeah!” - me kneeling, idk, i just fell to the floor off-camera, might have been the joy
and then four hrs l8r:
“fuck. now what?” - me wondering on the next game i wanna play
now u know y they say: “play infinite games.”
so u don’t wander, lose ur meaning fo’ being alive & killin’ urself due to a lack of mission.
also, fuck hope.
hope is like waiting for a magic pill to fix ur problems, imo.
realize all goes to ur attention, and then ur choices.
couple it with faith.
faith is the push to go into the unknown, the uncertainty…
and into the unconventional journey.
now what, carlos?
i got a tendency to live my life focused 100% to the mission.
and i do with such intensity, i felt that burning flame passed on to others.
maybe, for the good.
better to listen than give advice, tbh.
‘cause if it fails, that on u. u sinned, u fuckd.
listening goes a long way.
as always, sum proof.
i’ll stop there lol, u get the point.
listen mo’.
then open ur 2nd asshole: ur mouth.
then close it ASAP.
it stinks more than ur 1st one.
and it lasts longer.
can’t use toilet paper to wipe that shit off (ur tongue)…
or outta history…
so protect ur reputation at all costs.
ur the brand, a business, whether u like it or not.
but anyway.
i’ve gotten the victory point(s) that were a “must” on this cinematic quest of ma life.
at last…
i have access to open the door, the portal,
to the journey i’ve been delaying for so long.
i’ll tell u the first two moves, but not the final destination.
step 1: return to my job in helping teachers in LAUSD, luv teaching tbh
still step 1: or git notice from dream internship, won’t say shit until it happens
step 2: s&me 500, to invest in me, make the amount i need to take the jump… and go.
go where?
to complete the next mission of ma life.
idk y, but meaning of life is just having constantly a life of meaning.
y tf do we complicate it?
just have a mission, that’s either unattinable for ur whole life, so u can always climb, and find the juice of life, (high volume)
or have high-intensity missions, where u live 100% of ur life to it, for the time being, (could take years, months, days, etc.), and once it’s done, git a new one, and keep going.
da former is like climbing mount everest, da latter is like climbing 1000 mountains…
but u only get one life.
idk y, but i got tendency to climb those 1000 mountains.
some bigger than others, yes. (this filter one was the hardest one so far, at least in the 1st wrld)
and i’d be able to see 1000 different views of the earth,
than one sigular plane, lens to see the earth from.
just me.
don’t take that as advice, just ma observation from standing at this peak i’m on rn.
just listen…
in ~48 hrs, i start climbing back down, and start climbing the new one.
for rn, i’ll enjoy what i see.
and sry, btw, i already ate all the cake.
so no stealing.
but i can give u this…
better than cake.
filter dubs
the view from the peak… take a look
the sounds from up here
just one of these ok? don’t need to mess up ur mind))
use only when u have big dub. then turn off.
👇
going down the mountain…
look at this.
if u got imperfections,
setbacks,
hindrances,
doubts,
fuck those things.
they don’t define u.
it’s a shit mentality to have.
example:
u can have the best haircut in the world,
and still be a pathetic shitbag.
but u can have zero hair,
and be a titan in any realm.
ur moral code, ur character,
will define u more than the external outcomes,
…the things u earned without work.
(i.e. what country u’re born in, financial situation of ur fam, ur health, environment, etc.)
p.s.
and for my short homies out there.
i’m 5’ 5’’. buzz cut. snake-lookin’ back. open-heart surgery. caramel-colored skin.
doesn’t mean i can’t aim for a life more fullfing than landing on mars.
and conquer the game.
for my short brothas:
if u ever mocked for ur size,
just say: “i’m short cause the rest of my height went to my dick. that’s y u taller”
or u can be stoic.
and then say that.
just sayin… 👁️
calmness and savagery make an etheral combo.
it’s one u’ll never forget.
i certainly won’t.
ain’t life grand?)
for now,
i win.
CJ
inspired by a walking miracle, the big brotha u never had?